


Holding Onto Fever Dreams

by chibipooh



Category: Big Hero 6 (2014), Disney - All Media Types, Disney Animated Fandoms
Genre: Broken Families, Family Bonding, Fever Dreams, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, dealing with grief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-22
Updated: 2014-11-22
Packaged: 2018-02-26 14:08:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2654855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chibipooh/pseuds/chibipooh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even as a young boy, it was easier for Tadashi Hamada to give help than to receive it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Holding Onto Fever Dreams

“...And that, class, is why you should never let your robot stick a fork into an electrical socket.” 

Tadashi Hamada glanced up at the clock. Ten more minutes. Frowning to himself, he drummed his fingers against the top of his desk. His teacher’s lecture was important, he knew that, but it was hard to focus on that when he was so close to freedom. 

He only had to survive ten more minutes. Just ten more. 

“That will be all for today. Now, before you all go, remember to grab one of the Parents’ Day flyers being passed out right now. ” 

That got Tadashi’s attention. He tore his eyes off of the clock to look at the paper he’d been handed. On the top of the page was an image of a happy family comprised of two parents holding a smiling child. Under this image, a heading read, “Watanabe Middle School Parents’ Day: Education really DOES run in the family!” 

“As you know, Parents’ Day is one of the most important events in the school calendar,” called his teacher from the front,  “so I’m gunning for 100% participation this year. But remember, it is perfectly fine to bring in a different relative or guardian if your parents are...unavailable for whatever reason.”

Her eyes lingered on Tadashi’s for a moment longer than the other students when she said that. He looked down at his desk to hide the blush spreading across his cheeks. Luckily for him, the piercing shriek of the bell rang a second later. Tadashi took one last look at the Parents’ Day flyer, before he stuffed it deep into the recesses of his backpack. He was out of there so fast, he barely heard his teacher’s last words,

“We’re right in the middle of flu season, so please make sure to take care of yourselves!”

He didn’t think about parents’ day or the flu for the rest of the day.

 

 

The friendly bell of the Lucky Cat café  tinkled as Tadashi returned home. 

“Oh, Tadashi! You’re back already?” asked Aunt Cass, turning suddenly at the sound and nearly dropping three trays of noodles in the process. Tadashi ducked to avoid being hit by her arm. 

“I come back at the same time every day, Aunt Cass,” he reminded her. The woman laughed, then caught herself to avoid running into a table. 

“Haha, so true!” she chuckled. Tadashi gave a small smile. The café  was in the middle of the lull between the lunch and dinner rushes, so it was almost empty aside from one man eating by himself in the corner. Tadashi had been living here for two years and while the place had grown on him, he wasn’t sure if he was ready to call it home yet. 

Not sure what else to say, Tadashi begin inching towards the stairs, but his aunt stopped him by saying, “So....how was school, honey?”

“It was fine. We learned about conductors and-” He almost mentioned the Parents’ Day flyer, but stopped himself. Aunt Cass looked at him eagerly, waiting for him to finish his thought. Instead, he asked, “Where’s Hiro?” 

“He’s upstairs watching that show he likes...you know, the one about the rabbit that uses the power of science to save orphans or something...what was the name...gah, I have no idea. But yeah, he’s upstairs,” she replied. There was a slight pause before she added, “You know, I wouldn’t mind some company down here in the café , help me come up with a new dish or two, if you don’t have too much homework or anything.”

Tadashi paused, one foot already on the stairs. He could practically feel his aunt’s eyes boring into his back. He shifted from one foot to another. 

“I’d love to, Aunt Cass,” he said slowly, “But I’m really tired and I sort of promised Hiro that I’d play with him when I got home so...”

“Oh no, no don’t apologize! I understand! You to go, have all kinds of fun. You know where to find me if you need me!” 

Tadashi didn’t need to be told twice. He was halfway up the stairs when Aunt Cass called up at him, “Oh, I left a plate of raspberry hamantash on the counter for you and Hiro! You can both have two! ONLY TWO, YOU HEAR ME!?” 

He waved a hand without turning around. 

Tadashi went upstairs to find his brother sitting cross legged on the couch, eyes transfixed on the screen in front of him. Scattered around him were various sheets of paper covered in the frantic scribbles of a five year old. Hiro’s eyes went wide when he saw the older boy.

“Tadashi, welcome home!” he squealed. Jumping off the couch, Hiro ran over and threw his arms around his brother. Tadashi returned the hug eagerly. 

“I’m home,” he laughed. As he pried his brother off him, he asked, “What have you been up to all day, squirt?” 

“I drew a picture! Look, look!” 

Hiro picked the picture off the table and brandished it at Tadashi proudly. On the back of what looked like one of the café  menus was a map of San Franksokyo free handed completely in crayon and Elmer’s glue. Minus some minor proportion errors and misspellings, it was a stunningly accurate rendition of the city, right down to the individual streets and alleyways. Tadashi took the sheet from his brother’s hand and whistled. 

“Wow,” he said, genuinely impressed. “Not bad for an afternoon of scribbling.” Hiro gave a wide, mostly toothless grin. 

Maybe it was weird for a boy Tadashi’s age to admit this, but he couldn’t think of anything more fun than hanging out with his five year old brother. As Hiro settled back into the couch to prepare for their daily ritual of watching Bunny Pirate Assassins, Tadashi went into the kitchen to fetch their afternoon snacks. He gathered the juice boxes and celery sticks, and just as he was ready to go back, his eyes fell on the tray of hamantash. 

The pastries looked fresh, probably straight out of the oven ,and were topped with what looked like raspberries. Hamantash had been a personal favorite of his mother’s; she’d often talk about her grandmother making it for her as a child. Tadashi imagined Aunt Cass manning the kitchen all by herself downstairs and something squeezed tight in his chest. His head hurt as well.

“Hurry up, Tadashi, it’s starting!” 

Tadashi rubbed at his eyes to make sure he wasn’t dozing off.  Casting aside his thoughts about Aunt Cass and his mother, Tadashi returned to his brother. 

 

 

He had the nightmare again that night.

It never started out the same way. Sometimes he’d be at his desk at school, sometimes in his bedroom at his old house, sometimes standing on the bridge overlooking San Fransokyo Bay. Then he’d look to his left and there they’d be: Mom and Dad, dressed up in there very best just as they’d been the night of the accident. They’d open their arms wide, beckoning for a hug, and he’d run to him. 

But just as soon as he got close enough to touch them, to throw his arms around them and never let go again, they’d disappear. The next part was the same every time: the feeling of everything slipping away beneath his feet and the sheer terror of falling down, down, down...

“Tadashi?” 

Tadashi woke up in a cold sweat, hands clutching his sheets for dear life. A slight turn of his head revealed Hiro standing in the doorway, thumb in his mouth and a stuffed rabbit under his arm. 

“It’s late Hiro. What do you need?” Hiro shifted from foot to foot. 

“I had another nightmare,” said the boy softly. Tadashi ran his fingers through his hair. 

“Was it the blue door again?” he asked finally. Hiro nodded. Sighing, Tadashi lifted up his sheets and Hiro jumped under them eagerly, snuggling up into his brother’s side. 

Tadashi watched Hiro’s breaths slow. This was not the first time the boy had come to him for comfort after a nightmare, and something told Tadashi that it wouldn’t be the last. As his brother slipped into slumber, Tadashi thought about the blue door. The door to Hiro’s nursery in their old home had been a deep, cerulean blue, akin to the hue of the sky right after sunset. Tadashi didn’t how Hiro remembered it so vividly; they hadn’t lived in the old house since Hiro was three and he shouldn’t be able to remember memories from that time period...right? 

Tadashi squeezed his eyes shut tightly. It was hard to remember anything when his head hurt so badly. 

But it was late and he was tired and all Tadashi knew for sure was that he didn’t have nightmares when Hiro was around, so he ignored the pounding in his head and settled in for a long night’s sleep. 

...At least, it would have been a long night’s sleep had he not woken up three hours later to the sound of Hiro whimpering and the feeling of something warm running down his leg. 

“I-I-I’m s-sorry....Taba-Taba-shi,” hiccuped Hiro through thick globs of mucus. Tadashi took a deep breath, then gave a pained smile. 

“It’s alright, Hiro, it’s not your fault,” he reassured the boy, highly aware of how his own voice cracked as he said the words. He gently extricated himself from the covers and took his brother with him, trying his best not to freak out about how warm it was. “Shh, it’s alright. You don’t want to wake up Aunt Cass, right?” 

Hiro’s shook his head. 

“Good. Then let’s get cleaned up, but you have to be very quiet. Can you be very quiet?” 

Hiro nodded. His death grip on Tadashi’s shirt lessened, and Tadashi gently set him down. After changing them both out of their soiled pajamas, Tadashi showed Hiro how to take the covers and sheets off the bed, and they headed down on tiptoe to the washing machine in the basement (Hiro was only big enough to carry one pillow, but he carried it well.) 

Tadashi had planned to go upstairs as soon as they’d gotten the machine loaded, but the night’s lack of sleep finally got to him. It was all he could do to not drag them both to the ground. Holding Hiro in his lap, Tadashi sat with his back to the washing machine and stared up at the ceiling. Everything felt fuzzy and even the roar of the machine seemed loud and foreign. 

“GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, YOU SCOUNDREL!” 

“Huh?” 

Tadashi snapped out of his not-quite-sleep to see his aunt staring at him from the door to the laundry room, holding a broom out in front of her like it was a weapon. He flinched at the sight of her, hitting his head on the machine. 

“Ow! Aunt Cass!”

“Tadashi! Oh, it’s just you and Hiro!” She lowered her broom. “Don’t scare me like that!” Tadashi rubbed at the back of his head.

“Who did you think I was?” he asked, his voice hoarse.  

“I heard the machine running, and I thought it was a burglar so I just- I’m really sorry.” 

“No, no, it’s fine.” 

The two stared awkwardly at each other, the rumbling of the machine the only sound filling the room. Tadashi pleaded in his mind for his aunt to leave him be, but his silent messages weren’t reaching her.

“Can I ask exactly why you and Hiro are doing laundry at 2 in the morning, on a school night no less?” she asked. Tadashi looked down at the child slumbering in his arms. 

“We just had a little accident, but we’re alright now,” he reassured her. Aunt Cass’s hands flew to her mouth. 

“Oh no! Are you alright? You’re not hurt, right?” 

“I’m fine, I promise...But could you maybe take Hiro up to bed? I’ll stay here and load the dryer when it’s ready.” He tried to give her one of his ‘Everything’s Alright’ smiles, but he was too tired to manage that. Luckily, Aunt Cass didn’t seem to notice. She picked up Hiro right away, and Tadashi found himself missing the small boy’s warmth as soon as it was gone. Right before she exited the room, Aunt Cass paused and turned to Tadashi. 

“What about you? Won’t you go back to bed too?” 

“As soon as I load the dryer, I’ll go back up.” 

“Oh, okay...do you want me to get you something? Some hot chocolate or maybe a biscuit or something?” 

“No, I’m good. Already brushed my teeth and everything.” 

“Are you sure? I think there’s still some hamantash left over or maybe I could make you one of those brownies you put in the microwave, you know, the ones that burn your tongue if you eat them too fast and-” 

“Aunt Cass. I’m okay.” 

Her smile flickered for just a moment, but then she said, “Alright. Goodnight, Tadashi.” 

“Goodnight.” 

 

 

When Tadashi awoke that morning on the laundry room floor, he felt like he was on fire. 

He didn’t know what had happened. One minute he was loading their soiled sheets into the dryer, the next he was waking up with a pounding headache on the tiled floor. 

“Tadashi? The bus is about to leave, you’re going to be late!” He heard Aunt Cass call his name upstairs, but her voice felt muffled and distant, as if he was underwater. Wait, if the bus was here then...Hiro! He always helped him get ready for day care before school. He was going to be late! 

With a grunt, Tadashi pushed himself to his feet, his grip on the machine the only thing stopping him from toppling over completely. Sweat glistened on his brow. He took one step, then another, then stumbled forward, but didn’t fall. He had to get to Hiro. He had to.  

“Tadashi, where are you!?! This isn’t funny young man, if you’re playing some kind of- Tadashi!” Her voice was getting closer, yet it sounded no less muffled. He wanted to call out to her, but the very thought of exerting more energy made him woozy. Tadashi was halfway to the door when Aunt Cass found him. She let out a horrified gasp and ran right over to him. 

“You look horrible! Have you been down here all night?” 

Tadashi tried to push her away and explain to her that he was fine, that he didn’t need her help, but his mouth didn’t want to work. All he could get out was, “Hiro...have to help...Hiro...” 

“Hiro’s fine, he’s upstairs making a DNA helix out of his cheerios. Oh my goodness, you’re burning up! It must be that flu that’s been going around.” She took her hand from his forehead, then hooked her arms underneath his. “Come on, I’m taking you upstairs.” 

“I can walk by myself!” 

“You are in no condition to be walking right now, young man!” 

“Get off of me!” 

“Tadashi, stop fighting me!” 

“STOP ACTING LIKE MOM!” 

That was the last thing he said before he vomited all over the floor. 

Aunt Cass faltered for all of a second. Then she hooked her arms around the boy’s waist and lifted him up despite his protests. Tadashi had yet to hit his growth spurt, so there was little he could do against the strength of a fully grown woman. In that manner, Aunt Cass carried him to his bed, the sheets of which she had replaced earlier. 

“Now you lay here while I drop off Hiro and I swear to God, Tadashi Hamada, if you are out of this bed when I get back, the flu will be the least of your worries.” 

Tadashi said nothing in reply, just turned his back to the woman. With a sigh, she left the room, picking up a book that had fallen on the floor on her way out. 

Some part of him knew he had gone too far down in the laundry room, but that part of his mind wasn't in control. The part that was in control could barely focus on anything long enough to understand it, much less analyze it. Thinking about anything for too long felt liked trying to catch water with outstretched hands. 

Sometime later, he fell into a fitful, feverish sleep.

The nightmare came, just as it always did. This time he was standing in the middle of the Lucky Cat café . He looked around wildly, but he was truly the only one there. Then someone called his name, just like always, and he was running toward his parents, just like always. But this time, when he got close enough to hug them, he hesitated. The look of shock on their faces mirrored his own. Before he could register this, Tadashi was falling, falling, falling...and it stopped. Someone had caught him. Tadashi looked up to see Aunt Cass smiling down at him. 

“Watch your step, kiddo.” 

Tadashi stirred. The voices he was hearing were coming from outside of his dreams, at least he thought. 

“Is Tadashi going to be alright?” 

“Of course, he just caught the flu. He’ll get better soon, but we can’t bother him for a little while, okay?” 

“...Okay.”

‘ Hiro, I’m fine! Don’t worry about me!’  is what he wanted to say, but he was deep asleep before he could. 

The next time he awoke he felt soft, gentle hands at his face. He turned his head just slightly. His vision was fuzzy, but he knew that silhouette anywhere. 

“Mom?” 

The figure paused for only a moment before moving to smooth a bit of hair away from his forehead. A cool liquid was put to his lips and he drank at it eagerly. When he slipped back into slumber for the last time, he was smiling.

 

 

It took two days, but Tadashi’s fever finally broke for good. It was another few hours before he was actually well enough to walk up and about, but eventually the feeling of his own sweat became more than he could bear and he heaved himself to his feet. His whole body still ached, but at least he could stand up without falling over now. 

He made it halfway down the stairs before pausing. Aunt Cass was curled up on the couch with a book of sudoku. An old Lifetime movie played quietly in the background and she looked so peaceful just sitting there. Suddenly he felt awkward; maybe he should just go back upstairs, sleep through the night, and save any awkwardness for the morning.

“Tadashi! You’re up!” Aunt Cass jumped up, knocking, her book to the floor, and ran over to give her nephew a hug. She paused mere inches from him. “Actually, probably shouldn’t do that...you might still be contagious and all that...” Her arms hung in the air between them awkwardly. 

“Where’s Hiro?” asked Tadashi. Looking relieved, Aunt Cass clasped her hands behind her back. 

“In bed. He’s been sleeping in my room while you recovered. Here, here, come sit down. There’s an Aunt Cass Special with your name on it. That stuff can cure any illness.” Using a surprisingly strong grip on his shoulder, Aunt Cass steered her nephew to the couch, where she proceeded to heap piles and piles of blankets on top of him. For once, Tadashi didn’t protest. He was still too weak to really fight her off anyway, and if he was being honest, the extra attention was super nice. However, there was still one thing he needed to do before he could fully enjoy the comfort of his situation. 

“Aunt Cass?” he called out weakly. 

“Yes, Tadashi?” she asked as she placed a bowl of miso soup onto the table. Tadashi looked down at his hands. 

“I’m sorry for getting sick and causing all this trouble.” 

There was a pause. And then, Aunt Cass did something then he hadn’t expected: she laughed. Tadashi blinked in surprised, not sure of what he’d said to earn such a reaction. 

“Oh, you kids are really too much,” she chuckled, wiping a tear from her face. “Tadashi, you will never, ever,  ever  be causing me trouble. Taking care of you or Hiro has never and will never be a burden for me. In fact, I can’t remember ever having this much fun, vomit and all.” 

Something caught in his throat, and he was pretty sure it had nothing to do with his illness. “Thank you,” he said sincerely. Aunt Cass smiled and ruffled at his hair. 

“Any time, bonehead. Now, do you wanna keep watching this silly old movie or shold we see what they have on the pay per view wrestling channels?” 

“Wait, before that,” said Tadashi, suddenly nervous. Aunt Cass looked at him quizzically. He knew exactly what he wanted to say, but the words stuck in his throat for some reason. “It’s just that- um- about what I said earlier...in the laundry room...” 

“Oh.” Aunt Cass put the remote down. She turned her full attention to the boy. “What is it?” 

“I’m sorry,” he said quickly, the words blurring together. “That was really mean and it wasn’t fair of me to say especially when you’re working so hard and  I just- I mean- it’s just-” 

“Hey hey hey, shh shh shh, it’s alright.” She put her hand to his cheek and the touch felt so comforting that Tadashi unconsciously leaned into it. “You weren’t feeling well, I understand completely. Sometimes we say things we don’t mean when we’re not at our best.” 

“That’s no excuse,” he muttered. Aunt Cass shook her head. 

“Don’t beat yourself up about it. It’s a cat under the bridge as far as I’m concerned.” Tadashi smiled. 

“I think you mean ‘water under the bridge.’” 

“Same thing.” She pulled her hand away, looking nervous. “But while we’re talking about that, I’m sorry too.” 

“For what?” 

“For making you think I’m replacing your mom.”

Tadashi said nothing. This was a place he could rarely go when he was in the best state of mind; he didn’t even know how he could handle it when he was like this. Aunt Cass fidgeted in her seat a bit. 

“Tadashi, your mom...she was probably the most incredible person I have ever met. If I was even half as amazing as she was, my whole life would have turned out very differently.” She ran a hand through her hair, and for the first time it hit Tadashi that this must be just as hard for her to talk about as it was for him. He took a sip of his soup and watched her closely.

“After the accident, I asked myself, ‘Why?’” said Aunt Cass, now focusing on the far wall, her voice wavering slightly. “Why her, why did this have to happen to someone so wonderful? It’s been two years and I still ask myself that sometimes.” Tadashi nodded. 

“I ask myself that too,” he said quietly. Aunt Cass nodded, then closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened them again, there was a look in her eyes Tadashi had never seen before. She turned to face her nephew. 

“But then I realized, the why doesn’t matter. Dwelling on it wasn’t going to change what happened. All I could do was stop dwelling on the past and focus on my future: you and your brother.

“These last two years have been really, really hard. But waking up every day and spending it with the two of you? That’s what got me through it. That’s still what’s getting me through it. I wouldn’t trade that for anything in the world.” 

She took his hand with both of hers. 

“I’m not going to replace your mother. I wouldn’t want to even if I could. But now, with you and Hiro- I’m more than your aunt.  I can’t pretend to be any less. You’re more than my nephew now, too. I know the lines in our relationship aren’t the clearest right now, but we’ll never know where they are if you don’t let me in. 

“Please, Tadashi, don’t push me away.” 

In that moment it all came back to him at once: the closed doors, the nights spent wrapped up in a blanket alone, the fake smiles whenever he’d reject an offer of her kindness. A tear fell down his face, then another. Aunt Cass pulled away quickly, alarmed. 

“Oh no, oh no, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything,” panicked the woman. Tadashi gulped loudly, then wiped at his eyes. 

“No, no I- it’s just...” Tadashi wasn’t one to be at a loss for words, but the maelstrom of emotions surging within him was making it hard to speak. “Can I, um, can I have one last hug?” he asked weakly. Aunt Cass blinked, then broke out into a wide smile. 

“Oh honey, this is by no means the last one.” She pulled him into a tight hug and for the first time, he hugged back. Aunt Cass felt warm and strong and more than a little bit like his mother, but he found to his surprise that it didn’t make his heart heart like it used to. He held on for as long as he deemed necessary, until he finally had to pull away to cough. 

“What’s that?” he said between coughs, pointing at a sheet of paper lying on the table. Picking it up, Aunt Cass laughed. 

“Hiro made it for you. I think it’s supposed to be the three of us battling your evil alien germs, but I can’t really tell.” 

“Amazing.” 

Tadashi turned the paper over to see the Parents’ Day flyer. He looked up at Aunt Cass, who looked away from him guiltily. 

“I’m sorry, I found it in your backpack while I was looking for paper for Hiro. I understand if you don’t want me to come,” she said nervously. Sniffling, Tadashi smiled. 

“About that...” 

 

 

That year’s Parents’ Day would go down as the most exciting in the Watanabe Middle School’s history with over 46 explosions, 4 minor injuries, and at least one religious epiphany. Tadashi saw absolutely none of it. While all that happened at his school, the boy experienced a very different kind of exciting. 

“We’ve got a #6 at table 8, Aunt Cass!” yelled Tadashi. He swerved expertly in between the outstretched legs and wooden tables to drop a pot of tea off for some thirsty looking teenagers. His aunt waved at him from behind the stove. 

“Got it! Tadashi, you are a natural at this. I should hire you full time.” Tadashi laughed, ducking behind the counter for some napkins. 

“I’m pretty sure that goes against some kind of child labor law.” 

“Yeah, labor laws!” chimed in Hiro from his seat of honor in the corner booth. Aunt Cass just shrugged. 

“Can’t say I didn’t try,” she said in a sing song voice.  

They were reaching the tail end of the lunch rush, and the buzz of work seemed to rejuvenate them all. From the way he effortlessly moved about the café , no one would have ever guessed that just a few days ago this boy had been too sick to even stand. Guess the Aunt Cass Special really worked after all. 

Now that he had his energy back, working at the café seemed like a no brainer.

Even if Tadashi had known about the amazing things going on at his school, there was still nowhere else he would have rather been. 

When the last customers of the lunch rush left, Tadashi and Aunt Cass collapsed into the booth next to Hiro. They gave each other tired but content smiles.

“Hey, can I run a new dish by you?” asked Aunt Cass. Tadashi nodded as he reached to get another biscuit. 

“Go for it.” 

“Okay, okay, so this would be a new wing dish featuring local spices from right here in San Fransokyo. A small taste of our bay if you will. Tagline: Experience Our Bay to the Maximum!” 

Tadashi quirked an eyebrow. “Bay to the Maximum? Really?” he teased.  

“Baymax! Baymax!” laughed Hiro. Aunt Cass laughed as well. Tadashi smiled. 

Baymax, huh?  


Maybe he could work with that. 

**Author's Note:**

> I know that Tadashi is supposed to be around 4 years older than Hiro, but I kind of fudged with the ages for the sake of the story. As always, please enjoy and feel free to leave a comment!


End file.
